harriet myers - my new piano player

Harriet Miers – My New Pianist?

I need to hire new musicians from time to time. Currently, I need a new pianist since my long time key tickler has left for Canada. There just aren’t that many boogie woogie piano players these days who are ready to go out on the road. Many people think they can handle the road and then crumble when they finally get out here and see how many hours a day are spent sitting in a van on America’s highways. Some find that they miss their families too much when they are away from home, week after lonely week. My search for a pianist has taken me to music websites and college want ads. Perhaps I am looking in the wrong place. Maybe I should use President Bush’s logic and find a person who has never played the piano and try to teach them on the job. A good sax player or guitarist could learn over night how to be a piano player. Just put a piano in front of them and surely all of their musical knowledge will make their new job a cinch.

The Bush nomination of Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court has liberals and conservatives baffled. GW asserts that Miers is the single most qualified person to serve on the Supreme Court even though she has never sat on the bench. Miers is the best person for the job even though she would not have been listed on even one of the lists of the 100 most influential people in Law. She was Bush’s personal lawyer and White House Council. She is an avowed born again Christian who is a member of an ultra conservative evangelical congregation. She gave money to the Right to Life Foundation and taught Sunday School, where she signed up for “servant jobs” like making coffee and emptying the trash. She was president of the Texas Bar and a corporate litigator. Surely these experiences qualify her to sit in the most powerful court in the Nation. She has chosen the right coffee beans for the Valley Village Church congregants, has she not? She has allowed the State of Texas to execute more inmates than any other State in the Union. Of course, she is now qualified to sit on the highest court in the land.

Ms. Miers may surprise us all and immediately learn to be an effective, objective Judge from her on-the-job-training. Maybe she will separate her personal views from her decisions on the bench. Perhaps she’ll prove overnight to be a thoughtful, conscientious Barrister with only the best interest of American Citizens at heart. However, there is a good reason for all the hoopla and concern. Lawyers are not known for their objectivity. Lawyers defend murderers and child molesters alike, if they can pay for the service. Corporate litigators are not required to pass judgement on their clients. Their only role is to defend the case and win. It matters not whether the client is guilty or innocent. Nor does it count whether the victim suffered inhumane treatment or the corporation poisoned the well that provided water to families. It only matters that the bills are paid and the case is won.

Harriet Miers might turn out to make a wonderful, feminist role model for all women. She may prove to be a moderate or a liberal judge, although her extreme Christian views make that scenario unlikely. I have also heard that Ms. Miers plays a little acoustic guitar and has been known to lead sing alongs of Kumbaya and Jesus Loves Me at her Church. With credentials like this, it seems obvious that I should hire her to play piano in my band. After all, she has about the same amount of experience for both positions. With her little bit of basic guitar chord knowledge and her familiarity with the law, she is just as qualified to be my pianist as she is to be a Supreme Court Justice. She could learn to love the blues and set aside her Christian song list for the time being. She could adapt a strong left hand onstage as easily as she can hold up her right hand to be sworn in. Playing on Saturday Nights to blues fans is much safer for our country than overturning Roe vs Wade. And best of all, the cocktails are a lot stronger and usually free. And finally, though the pay is considerably less, she would hurt a lot less people learning on the bandstand instead of the Witness Stand. Somebody get me her phone number.

Candye Kane is an award winning blues diva and composer with seven CDs under her belt. She is a regular contributor to Blues Revue, Blues Wax online zine and Riverwurst. A Mother of two grown sons, she performs internationally 250 days a year. www.candyekane.com